Given that I feel strongly that we all sometimes tend to take life a bit too seriously, I share the following:
It was about 12:30 p.m. yesterday when I left a Montgomery restaurant only to discover that someone had parked WAAAY to close to the driver’s side of my car. I mean, like they were about 12-15 inches away.
Of course, being a male I thought I might still be able to wiggle my way through the small opening and get in my car. And perhaps I once could have–but that was lots of pounds and lots of years ago when my waist was much smaller and my limbs much more limber. Still I gave it a shot. It was futile. Talk about a camel through the eye of a needle.
So I tried the passenger side where I had plenty of room for the door to open. Maybe I could crank the car, ease it into reverse from the passenger’s seat and slowly back out. Only one problem. In order to shift from park to reverse, I had to mash the brake pedal. That was impossible so I retreated to weight my options.
Considering that they were slim and none, I resigned myself to waiting for the other vehicle driver to show up. The SUV had a retired educators sticker on it and several walking sticks in the back seat. From this info I quickly deducted that its driver was probably having lunch with friends and would not be in a hurry to leave. (The restaurant had plenty of gray hair among its patrons I had noticed.)
So once again I tried to get in through the small space on the driver’s side. I huffed and puffed and pushed and strained and suddenly had a flash of the 6 p.m. news saying, “Old fat guy found suffocated in the door of his car.”
Hey, maybe I could try to get in from the passenger’s side headfirst. Some how once in I would be able to adjust legs and arms as they needed to be. That effort lasted about 30 seconds before I realized it was a very bad idea. The only recourse was to sit down in the passenger’s seat and try and swing my legs over the console and wiggle and squirm to the driver’s side. (I should note that my car is small with only two doors.)
What ensued was several minutes of straining, wondering if I could ever get one leg over the console and on the opposite side. Alas, I made it. I was in the driver’s seat, I could reach the brake pedal, I could crank the car and put it into reverse. All I needed to do was sit there for several minutes trying to catch my breath.
As I recovered, I thought that what I had just done would’ve made a helluva “funniest home videos.” Either that, or the alternative to waterboarding.